he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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