She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
