Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
