you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
