Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
