We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i think i just lost a toe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
