im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
