Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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