i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
