she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
