Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
