i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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