i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I love you.
Bad choice
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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