Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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