i love accidental penises.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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