pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
