i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
