If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
