I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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