i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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