How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize