i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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