I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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