i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
