I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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