Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
