I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
