Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
