I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
