Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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