What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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