You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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