Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
