Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
