So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
