I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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