I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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