i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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