Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
