Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize