I wanna bring you to show and tell
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.