he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.