you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.