I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.