We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
