I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
