every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
