you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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