Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I bet he comes in French.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
