He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
