I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
