Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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