I want to have your abortion
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
