my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
