This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
