the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
