I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
