YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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