no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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