Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize