i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
