I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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