I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
