I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
