I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love you. Go after that dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
