i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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