Betty ford says i'm here all night
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
