I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
