Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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