At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
