Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize