Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
